You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
