Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
