There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
