Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
cat food counts as protein by the way
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
