I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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