FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We had sex on a dog bed..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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