Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
