unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
