If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
