Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
