Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
