Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
