hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
