I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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