I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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