I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
