dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
