Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
