I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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