dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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