Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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