awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
