She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
