Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
