i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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