apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
