make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
