I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
