Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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