Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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