I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
