What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
