He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Text me some of your sweat
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
