I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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