The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
