After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's blow job season.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
