No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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