You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
