Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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