his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
