How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize