do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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