So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
