Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
