He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
