i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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