singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
