I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize