there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
