i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
