he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
