went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
