we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
