Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
