Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She even gives head with a lisp.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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