one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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