took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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