bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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