new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize