Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
