there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You ate ashes out of my bong
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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