i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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