she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
