I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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