I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize