Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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