You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
