My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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