I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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