I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
