What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
