So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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