Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
