Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
