Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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