Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
