You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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