Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
