There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
