I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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