Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
