wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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