I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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