You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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