so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
