sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
