Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
