Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
