apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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