I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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