Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize