pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
