Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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