I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
